Bittersweet: Saying Goodbye to Clients
Yesterday, my very first client, Evan, and I completed our therapeutic journey together. The experience was poignant, humbling, and empowering for both of us. It was a milestone in my new career as a therapist – a passage I had dreaded. Early in my master’s program, a professor asked me to share my greatest fearsContinue reading “Bittersweet: Saying Goodbye to Clients”
Is Your Therapist a “Wounded Healer?”
When my sons were in middle and high school, they played basketball with two brothers whose parents were a bit wacky. They were just a little too invested in the performances of their sons and the outcome of their games. Ironically, both father and mother were mental health professionals. I distinctly remember one of theContinue reading “Is Your Therapist a “Wounded Healer?””
Meeting the Mental Health Needs of Athletes
The Fall sports season is here. Millions of fans are again packing stadiums throughout the country. I’m not so sure that’s advisable, but this story isn’t about COVID. It’s about the mental health needs of athletes and how we can help them become more emotionally fit. Leaders in college athletics and professional sports have spokenContinue reading “Meeting the Mental Health Needs of Athletes”
It’s Easier Not to Be Great.
How performance-based identity dysregulates athletes. The Tokyo Olympics have concluded, but the mental health challenges of so many athletes remain. Gymnast Simone Biles catapulted the issue front and center in the midst of the competition. Her courageous acknowledgment follows the stories of Michael Phelps, Aly Raisman, Kevin Love, and many other high-profile Olympic, professional, andContinue reading “It’s Easier Not to Be Great.”
The Paradox of Mental Health Diagnosis
Navigating the Yin and Yang Show of hands. Who absolutely despises the notion of paradox? Who has a hard time accepting that two opposites can both be true? Because we are a complex species, our cognitive and emotional processes are not limited to but a single set of personality traits, values, or behaviors. We don’tContinue reading “The Paradox of Mental Health Diagnosis”
The Wrong One Died: Face-to-Face with Survivor’s Guilt
As I prepared to start my graduate school counseling studies, I began reading psychiatrist Irvin Yalom’s book, “Love’s Executioner.” The book is a compilation of patient case studies, which provides a fascinating peek under the hood for a future therapist. Since I’m naturally curious about people and what makes us tick, Yalom’s book was hardContinue reading “The Wrong One Died: Face-to-Face with Survivor’s Guilt”
Eyes Wide Shut: Why are We So Gullible?
I think most of us understand that this country is in the midst of the most acute and chronic era of divisiveness since the Civil War. Too many of us are holed up in our respective silos. It’s us against them; my camp versus your camp. We’re right, you’re wrong. We know the truth, you’reContinue reading “Eyes Wide Shut: Why are We So Gullible?”
Who I Am is Not What I Am: The Curse of Performance-Based Identity
Most of us harbor a self-critic in the Amygdala of our brain. It operates on a continuum ranging from selective and reserved to vocal and harsh. While a modicum of self-criticism is necessary and probably desirable, too many of us take it to the extreme. The genesis often occurs in childhood when we get theContinue reading “Who I Am is Not What I Am: The Curse of Performance-Based Identity”
Take Nothing for Granted. It’s Great to Be Alive.
“Take nothing for granted. It’s great to be alive.” I’ve heard those words uttered by Chicago disk jockey Lin Brehmer dozens of times. The phrase has been his mantra for years. And, every time I’d hear it I’d tell myself he’s absolutely right. We have all taken so much for granted every day of ourContinue reading “Take Nothing for Granted. It’s Great to Be Alive.”
God Doesn’t Play the Blame Game.
Why is it that so many of us look to assign blame when the shit hits the fan? Everything has to be somebody’s fault: our boss, our parents, our sibling, our spouse, the yahoo down the street, politicians, the media, God. Tragedy is part of life. It happens every day. Sometimes there’s an obvious villainContinue reading “God Doesn’t Play the Blame Game.”
The Gift of Tim Green’s Grace
Tim Green played for the NFL Atlanta Falcons for 8 seasons. I met Tim Green in 1982. He was a freshman football player at Syracuse University. I was a young TV sportscaster covering his ascent to stardom. We became friends. This past weekend, 37 years later, Tim’s number 72 was retired and raised to the raftersContinue reading “The Gift of Tim Green’s Grace”
Ready, Set, Go. A 64-year-old’s First Day of Grad School.
The author poses on the campus of Northeastern Illinois University. It’s incredibly difficult to fathom, but I’m just seven months away from my 65th birthday. Holy shit! Some of my same-aged friends are at this very moment planning for imminent retirements. Others have already stepped away from their respective vocational rat races. But not me.Continue reading “Ready, Set, Go. A 64-year-old’s First Day of Grad School.”
Happy Father’s Day Asshole
Have you gone shopping for a Father’s Day card? If so, you’ve undoubtedly seen dozens of greetings that state, in essence, I am who I am today because of you, Dad. The verse inside may use words like love, acceptance, guidance, caring, kindness, role model, and hero. But, what if one of those sentiments isn’tContinue reading “Happy Father’s Day Asshole”
It’s Not Your Fault
The 1997 movie Good Will Hunting is one of my favorite films for a number of reasons. Each of the main characters is deeply flawed, lonely, fearful, and trying desperately to mask the pain that envelops them. Among the numerous powerful and poignant scenes in the film is a breakthrough moment in the relationship betweenContinue reading “It’s Not Your Fault”
Holier than Thou: The Scourge of Religious Hypocrisy
I am sick to death of religious hypocrisy. It’s a widespread, ever-burgeoning malady that infects our relationships, communities, institutions, politics, and even our families. I first experienced this ungodly paradox while attending a parochial elementary school in the Midwest. A cadre of old ladies, mostly widows I assume, were regulars at daily Mass. And withoutContinue reading “Holier than Thou: The Scourge of Religious Hypocrisy”
The Agony of Making Decisions
“Don’t be afraid of change. You may lose something good, but you may gain something better.” Unknown Making a life-changing decision is seldom simple. It’s not as stark as choosing between black and white. Our palette is usually somewhere on a spectrum in a myriad of gray. There are rarely win-win solutions. That’s a myth.Continue reading “The Agony of Making Decisions”
Media Makeover: When News was News and Facts were Facts
Did you read, watch, or listen to news coverage of the release of the redacted Mueller report on April 18? If you did, the precise details of what you heard, saw, and/or read depended in large part on the TV network, newspaper, digital publication, or radio station you chose. If you watched Fox News, you wereContinue reading “Media Makeover: When News was News and Facts were Facts”
The Toxicity of Shame
I’m not sure who first identified the acronym for shame, but it’s spot-on: Should Have Already Mastered Everything. In other words, I should be perfect. I should understand this. I should know how to do this. I should… fill in the blank. Author Brené Brown, who spent many years researching shame says, “Where perfectionism exists,Continue reading “The Toxicity of Shame”
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Roger M. Cahak 