Author: Roger Cahak
-
The Magic of Men’s Work
Developing Male Connection in the Age Of Loneliness I clearly remember the question posed by my new therapist. “Would you be willing to join my men’s therapy group?” Honestly, and silently, I surmised I’d rather endure an old school root canal, food poisoning, or wrestle an alligator. Instead, I smiled sheepishly, gulped, and acquiesced. “If…
-
Meet Jimmie Laird: The Renegade TV Therapist
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought to yourself, “Oh wow, that character is me”? Well, that’s exactly how I felt watching the new Apple TV series Shrinking. Jason Segel’s character, therapist Jimmy Laird, is me. Well, more precisely, parts of me. Jimmy is a grand paradox: profoundly imperfect and wounded…
-
What’s So Scary About the Unknown?
One of my therapy clients said something so profound the other day it stopped me cold. He told me he’s “more comfortable with the familiarity of hell than the unfamiliarity of heaven.” We had been exploring existential themes such as purpose and how we, as humans, struggle so mightily with uncertainty. My client’s assertion reminded…
-
Oh, Sweet Surrender
How to Accept the Unacceptable Exactly what does it mean to surrender? Give up? Concede? Capitulate? Acquiesce? Fail? The word seems to have a universally accepted implication of doom, right? It’s about defeat. Oxford’s interpretation is “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority.” Ugh. Who wants to do that? But…
-
Quagmire: The Joy and Heartache of Relationships
Why are healthy, mutually satisfying relationships so difficult to attain and sustain? Wouldn’t it be easier just to live among the plants and animals on a desert island? Before you answer in the affirmative, consider science. Human beings are neurobiologically created to live in connection with each other. That is a scientifically proven fact. Yet,…
-
How to Reframe Performance-Oriented Identity
Why Who You Are is Not What You Are. Most of us harbor a self-critic in the amygdala of our brain. It operates on a continuum ranging from selective and reserved to vocal and harsh. While a modicum of self-criticism is necessary and probably desirable, too many of us take it to the extreme. The…
-
Bittersweet: Saying Goodbye to Clients
Yesterday, my very first client, Evan, and I completed our therapeutic journey together. The experience was poignant, humbling, and empowering for both of us. It was a milestone in my new career as a therapist – a passage I had dreaded. Early in my master’s program, a professor asked me to share my greatest fears…
-
Is Your Therapist a “Wounded Healer?”
When my sons were in middle and high school, they played basketball with two brothers whose parents were a bit wacky. They were just a little too invested in the performances of their sons and the outcome of their games. Ironically, both father and mother were mental health professionals. I distinctly remember one of the…
-
Meeting the Mental Health Needs of Athletes
The Fall sports season is here. Millions of fans are again packing stadiums throughout the country. I’m not so sure that’s advisable, but this story isn’t about COVID. It’s about the mental health needs of athletes and how we can help them become more emotionally fit. Leaders in college athletics and professional sports have spoken…
-
It’s Easier Not to Be Great.
How performance-based identity dysregulates athletes. The Tokyo Olympics have concluded, but the mental health challenges of so many athletes remain. Gymnast Simone Biles catapulted the issue front and center in the midst of the competition. Her courageous acknowledgment follows the stories of Michael Phelps, Aly Raisman, Kevin Love, and many other high-profile Olympic, professional, and…
Roger M. Cahak 